Severe Weather Warning

My clothes are both itchy and sticky at the same time. My skin crawls with a salty layer of sweat that I can only describe as incredibly uncomfortable. Summer is in full swing and I am a miserable mess of perspiration. It's supposed to be 97 here right now, but with the humidity it feels like the seventh level of Dante's Inferno (aka hot as hell). My hair has a bed of gel I didn't put in it and my eyes are stinging with tears from my brow. It's hot. It's steamy. It's disgusting.

Now, I don't mind the heat. Nothing better than sprawling out at the beach, wearing shorts, a ratty old (yet trendy because it's ratty and old) T-shirt. The problem is, I am not decked out in beach wear. I'm in the compulsory uniform of the news reporter: The suit. Yeah, I have my sleeves rolled up (I'm a working man of people), my top button unbuttoned and my tie worn loosely, but it's still hot.

I lived in Florida, I've dealt with the heat, but there is no way to get used to this type of torture. I'm sure not even John Yoo would have allowed this torment in the 2003 torture memos. Water boarding, maybe, Maryland summer humidity, not a chance. I think I've sweat 23 out of the 24 hours of this day.